Well..

Doctor just told me today that the spot on my back is active cancer. They said they are going to fly me to Honolulu for treatment. Wish me well

Wooohoooooo!

I just got my internet on! YAY!!!!!
Merry Christmas to everyone!

Wednesday

Well I seen my doctor yesterday, and got a check up on my back and my knees. He wants to put me in physical therapy for my back, and I am going to get an MRI done on my knees. So hopefully these will be 2 more ailments I can get fixed. Might be getting surgery on my knees, but am not sure yet.

OK I'm back

Sorry I have not been around to say anything, I have moved and do not have Internet access yet.
Everything has gotten really boring for me now that I have moved, with nothing to do anymore I just sit around and watch TV.
I am not sure about going out to CA in January for my birthday, as I will not have enough money to do so. I don't pay a lot for rent, but food costs are killing me right now. I live in the housing I have been talking about, and it really ain't to bad there. The people there seem pretty cool and I have had no issues with no one yet.
I have been kicked off the farm that is why I had to move. And guess what, this all came around after Mr. X came along. So it is not hard to guess about the issues that came along after all that. At least I got accepted into this housing though. Other then all that, nothing new has been going on.

Friday

I wen to the dermotologist today and got a biopsy done on the spot on my back. I will know later the results of it later some times. So now I just sit and wait for it. Will comment on the results when I get them.

Thursday...

Ok last weekend I hurt myself. I cut my leg with a chainsaw, it was a very minor cut though. Only took 3 stitches. It didn't till the doctor gave me a shot of numbing stuff, then it started hurting, go figure...
Ok I got my first check from the government for my financial aid, and it was $541.00. So I now have $1,000.00 saved at the moment. So I think I can get my mom out here in January for my birthday.
I just found out today that the person who gave me my car, whom I consider a friend, passed away monday. Talking about ruining my day, wow.
I got the farm a puppy a few days ago, and I am suppose to be the one doing the training and main care giver for it. And we have not gotten a name for it yet. I named him but no one agrees on it, they all wanted to call it all these other names, by right, shouldn't I have final say in what the dogs name is? And they are all taking over the puppy, never giving me the time I need with it, so it knows that I am the master, and that it will be learning from me. To be honest I can't really wait till I get out of here. But the home I would be going to, I don't think my mom can come to for the week, I would have to get a motel room. That might be a little pricy. But hopefully I will have enough saved up by then to do that. Kind of damned it I do danged if I don't, know what I mean?

Good news

I seen a psych for my government aide evaluation, and the guy is clearing me for aide. So now I will be getting $418 a month for now till my SSI goes through. So this is a really good thing for me. Soon living will be just a little easier for me. Will also help me to get my car fixed. He is going to help me get my SSI as well. So it looks like things are looking up for me again.

For my son!

With arms wide open

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
Ill show you everything
With arms wide open
Well I dont know if Im ready
To be the man I have to be
Ill take a breath, take her by my side
We stand in awe, weve created life
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
Ill show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
Ill show you love
Ill show you everything
With arms wide open
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope hes not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open... Arms wide open.

This song made me cry today, and i just wanted you to know,
I Love you so much son! And I really miss you more then anything in the whole world right now!

BOOOO!!!!

Happy Holloween!

Mistake?

I bought a little 49CC Harley Davidson replica that does about 35 MPH today. I needed transportation. I was about to spend $1500 on a motor scooter after i saved up the money, but this is just as good as that is. Gets about 150 MPG and it cost me $700.00 doing it in payments, and it is a lot of fun to ride around. Now I am having second thoughts about it right now. But it does get me to town and back at least.
This is probably going to hurt me in the long run though.....

Mental Update

OK I seen mental health today, and they accepted me into their program, and are going to try to find housing for me. They gave me a psych med too called Zyprexa. They think I might have a little more going on then just depression and a few other things. Plus it might help me sleep finally too, and even get my appetite back.
I had an appointment at the clinic today, and when I left there, I tore open the front of my big toe on my right foot pretty damn good, so now I have it all bandaged up. God it hurts like all hell too. Other then all this, still nothing new to report.

I hate Zak at times...

I did not even so much as get invited to the party last night, and got to sit up here by myself playing Pachisi With a very great person.
Today Zak would not pay me for my time last week of work because I took 2 days off for medical reasons, but worked an extra 2 for him to keep irrigation running right. So I think it is coming time for me to move on now. I now own an 85 Toyota with a cracked head, what the hell am I suppose to do with that?! The guy that left gave it to me for free, maybe I can sell it. Maybe I can come up with the money and fix it up or something. It gets like 30 miles a gallon, so at least it is good on gas and all. God I always get the cars that need work done to them for some reason! Blah.
I'm looking for a new place to go, my psych wants to put me in a temporary mental home. So I can get around the clock treatment and documentation of my problem to speed up my SSI application. The Psych said it is a good way to go for me, so I might go ahead and do it.

Birthday Day

One of our WWOOFr's turned 20 today, so they are having a birthday bash. I should join in on it, but I really don't want to. It's just not my kind of thing. But happy birthday to her. Other then all this I'm still really bored.

Bored

This week has been so damn boring. Nothing really going on at all. We had a meteor shower last night, but I slept through it all pretty much. The farmers market this week was really slow and I didn't make much at it at all.
Been stuck here at the farm with pretty much nothing to do, and I am dying of boredom here. I need to get out and start making some money, but one of the other people here took the jeep today and I have no way to get to my other job. So I'm pretty stuck right now, this really sucks.

Ok I think it is better now

I spent my mom's vacation money today on a Doctor and Medication. I feel really bad now, and not sure what to do, maybe I should start a donation service now. But she understands, so that makes me feel a little better now. My head has been really screwed up and I have not been eating, or sleeping. So I think it is something I really had to do. So I hope in the later times I can get her out here.
Man I feel so shitty now...

Bad times...

OK, I have been out of my medication for a long time. Things are going like shit really bad for me right now. I'm snappy, depressed, upset, and getting back to where I just really don't give a fuck again. I don't really have the money to pay a doctor to see them, and pay for the medication. Zack said he will help, but for some reason I don't think he will.
I feel like just giving up again, fuck everything!

Another Earthquake

OK we just had a 6.5 roll through Hawaii and Maui. I am not sure the extent of the damage so far, but The farm is not in to bad of shape, and everyone here is OK. Kona might have taken it pretty bad though, due to it being on a sandy part of the island.
Roads are closed, and power is out all over the place. I have a busted pipe main here, and the foundation on the office is cracked and shifted, and part of the cliff face fell into the ocean. Other then that, everything is really good so far.
I made over $200.00 at the farmers market yesterday, and was able to put about $65 in my own pocket, so that did not go to bad for me. I am unable to go to work today though, as the roads are closed for now.
Will give more info when I have it.

Sigh

Well last Saturday went pretty well. I made quite a few cells, almost came back with $100. On Sunday I went and worked on another farm for $8 am hour. This Saturday after farmers market, I will be going back to that farm for $9 an hour, and then again on Sunday. So they money is coming in now, maybe a little slow, but I will have the money for the tickets by summer. I also have a chance to buy a van for $500 too. The truck is a no go, the guy wants $1,200 for it. No way I can pay that right now. The Van is a big V8 Dodge. Won't be driving it much, but it will allow me to go to town when I want to at least.
Other then all this, there really isn't nothing new going on, just working 7 days a week now. Not much time to really do anything worth while. But oh well, this is what I wanted, so I guess
I get what I ask for, right?

Spiders......

Just thought you might want to see some of our local spiders. My favorite is the little crab looking guy. He is so fun to watch.

Sorry...

OK... So I have been slacking off with my blog, but I have had a lot of bad stuff going on, and did not want to write negative in here as much as I can avoid it.
Other then all this, things are going good.
Not a whole lot has changed around here really. Things are still going good for me, and I'm loving it.
I found the good qualities of mushrooms I really like. They help kill the pains in my back and knees, and put me to sleep. I don't hardly ever eat them, but they really do help I swear!
I'm taking some Enzyme pills and MSM pills now, they are really helping break down the fats in my body and kill the pain in the minor arthritis in my hand and I am feeling a lot healthier now too.
I am looking into buying a little Toyota pickup right now, I am not sure if I should get it though. Trying to save up that money for my mom to come out, and if I get a truck, it might ruin that plan. So I have to be really careful of what I do right now.
I have a date coming up pretty soon for my appointment for my SSI. They said the letters will be in the mail soon with the appointment times on them. I hope I play it right when I get in there to get this damn SSI, because I can not get a real job.
Oh ya, the president of Vanenzuella called Bush "The Devil" many times in the UN meeting they had recently, and many other things! That is so damn freaking awesome!!!
I really can not think of anything else to right at this time, so I am going to bed.

Almost time...

Saturday is coming. Of course no one wants to go help me with the farmers market on Saturday, but I am sure they will want part of the profits. They seem to think they can get what they want for nothing.
I might have gotten me a spot in a local health food store, to open a Kava shop. So I can start selling cups of Kava there. That would be fantastic!
Zak has me working 5 days a week now, and is paying me $100.00. I don't mind it, but i am working all week now, plus Saturday. Don't really have much time for myself, but I really need the money!
Well nothing else really going on, so I'm getting off here.

Sales time!

Yesterday I spent the day at the top of Waipio Valley and sold Noni. I sold 4 bottles there which is good. I sold 2 at 15 and 2 at 20. Normal sale price is $15. Zack gets $10 and I get what ever is left over from it. Today one of the WOOFR's needed to go to the hospital in Waimea, he had Pancreitas and needed to be admitted. While I was there I signed up for the Farmers Market there and got accepted. So now I will be going there every Saturday to sell all of our products. So now I should be able to start making some good money. I honestly thought that Zack would be pissed at me for doing it without his OK, but he was cool with it. So that's a saver there for me. I also dropped off a case of 10 bottles at a store yesterday on consignment, I told them I was charging Wholesale $10 a bottle, so they will give me part of what ever they sell, and return to me what they didn't in about a month. I won't make any money off of that, but it helps Zack out. So things are looking pretty darn good here. This should really help him to calm down a little bit. And I am getting little by little the money for my mom to come out here. So it is really falling into place for me.

Yay me!

Yesterday I went down to the cliffs with a friend of mine to help him entertain some of his buddies. I took em fishing and they caught and Eel, and then we started a camp fire and I cooked up some burgers and kept the fire going for the night. They drank, got plastered and had a good time. I did mushrooms again and had a better time on them. They are not what I would consider a drug. They more expand your mind and make you feel really happy, and make you look deep into you should and your body. They are actually a pretty damn good self help fungus if you ask me. And they make more Synapses fire in your brain which actually makes you smarter. Plus a really damn good antidepressant.
I took my drivers test today so now I have my licence. 27 years old and just now getting my licence, pretty sad eh? It was really easy though, the cop that was testing me was really cool. We talked the whole time like we were just old friends. So I was really comfortable and had no stress and the drive went really smooth. So yay for me!

I hate pipes...

OK we had another pipe blow on us today. It was about 4 feet down in the dirt, so I had lots of digging to do. It popped smooth out of the Coupling. The people that put it there did not glue it right. The person that was put on to work with me is a total loser. Every time I asked him to take over digging, he would scoop out a little of the loose stuff and then just stand there, so I had to keep taking the damn shovel back and digging. So I did most of it all myself. Then when I asked him to go get me a towel, I waiting for like 15 mins, then walked over to where he was, and found out he was just sitting around "taking a break." So I had to get the towel, clean the pipe, prime it and glue it all myself there. Man what a lazy wombat! When it came time to bury the whole at then end of the day, guess who had to do the burying? If you guessed me, then you won today's quiz! He said he was too tired to do it. What the hell man, I had to dig the hole, fix the pipe, then fix it, and then I had to dig up 8 large Kava plants! Those things are freaking huge roots I tell ya! Thank goodness I had the Cub Cadet, which is a really small back ho. So hell I was freaking tired! But I did it anyway! People like that just piss me off so freaking bad! Just here for the free ride and what have you. There are just to damn many users out there, it's ridiculous! I have to much of a conscience to just stand around and watch others freaking work.
Well there were plenty of pigs out today to hunt, but well, that's kinda not going to happen for awhile now. Because of Zack's sister, he had to take his guns in and turn them into the police station for a year! But he says he has some bows, and will teach me how to use them. So hunting will be postponed for a little while now. Man I am really hating his sister! She not only hurt him, but she hurt us too! Doesn't she see this!? It's fucking stupid!
I'm sliding back into my depression again, this isn't good at all. I have not even dated anyone in a longer time then I can possibly tell you, so I have not other that I can talk to. It actually kind of hurts. My life is such shit right now! I do have a friend coming out in January though. Remember the lady I was talking about awhile back, who lives in New Jersey? The one that was there for me through all the shit with my ex before we split up? Ya, she is going to try to come out and see me for a few days. That will really help me out a lot! I'm just sitting here counting the days till she comes to see me, and when Dorothy and my Mom come out. Exciting yes?

Confused

So, my back is doing a lot better today, really no pain at all, just a small ache nothing more. So now I can move around.
Zack's sister sowed up today. First she went down to the cliffs, which I am not sure how the hell she got the key to get through the damn gate, then she came back up and came in here and got some of her stuff. I called Zack and let him know, and he said not to worry about it, it is better that she get her stuff out of here. I can't believe she had the gull to come back here though, knowing everyone is mad as hell at her.
There was another party yesterday, which I did not go to, I had a major migraine and back was still hurting, so I stayed here and watched movies. I love huckabees is a retarded movie. I liked White Noise though, and Wedding Crashers.
Other then all this, nothing has really happened.

Rough Week

I threw out my back a few days ago and went to see a doctor yesterday. She gave me Flexeril and a shot of something, and I was knocked out all day yesterday. I do not know what I did to my back, but I do know it hurts like all hell. I can't barely walk or get out of bed right now. I don't remember lifting anything heavy, but I do know it hurts like hell. I have to make an appointment for the doctor again for next week to go have it x-rayed and get an MRI done on it. I finally filled out paperwork for insurance so now I can get all the stuff done that I need to get done. I can't wait till I can finally get something done about it. So tired of putting up with the pain in my knee and back. It's just something that no one should ever have to suffer from.
I have my road test coming up this Thursday at 2:30 PM. Really hope I pass so I can have my license finally. Be another hurdle I have gotten over since I have been here.
I have all the irrigation done down in the fields, but I I found another leak that I can not get to, it's in the tall Ginny Grass. That stuff is like stinging neddle. Drives you insane of you get it on you. But it washes out pretty easy when you take a shower. Not really fun stuff to play with.

What a damn day!

OK so I got that pipe fixed, clean the filters in the lines, and got some county water running to the plants, which by the fucking way, are dying!!! So I am trying to save them. They take about 5 years to grow before they can be harvested. So it is crucial we save them.
We went down to Waipio today, and I was the driver for the 4 wheel drive jeep, which I didn't really want, but was the only one that could do it. The drive down was not to bad, but the drive up was hell. The road is about the steepest damn thing I have ever drove, and the fucker in the damn passenger seat was a total moron! He was telling me what to do to drive it, and not to get us killed, and what to do if something bad happened and how to drive up the hill as we were going up! Man I have never told any one off since I have been here, but I totally reamed his ass for not shutting up. The jeep didn't do to good coming up either, it was almost too steep for the jeep to climb it. The jeep starting wanting to die once we got close to the top, and right at the sharpest corner, the damn thing decided it wanted to quit bogging, and really took off. I almost did not make the damn turn! And on this hill, there is no way you can slow down, switch gears, or anything, there is no room at all for mistakes on the drive. If the door was not on this jeep, I probably would have really kicked the fucker out of the damn jeep for talking! I was nervous enough trying to make that drive, I didn't need the negative energy making me almost scared! Damn I am never letting him ride with me again!
We had mushroom tea again, and this time I tried some. Didn't really do nothing for me though, except make me really see how much I wasn't really liked around here. It was like I could really read people a lot better, and sense what it was they really felt. But other then that, and the fact that I could see things a lot clearer, there really wasn't nothing more to it. So I decided it wasn't really my thing. So I am sure I will never do it again.
Dave, one of the guys that comes here and grows gourmet mushrooms brought me some raw honey today, so now I have honey to keep my low sugar in check. This guy is so damn awesome!
Well I am off to bed now. Aloha U'i Kanaka!

Damn things...

I went down today to look at irrigation, and there was a damn geyser going off. one of our mains busted and now there is water flowing all over the place now. So the boss is like super pissed at me and telling me it's all my fault I should have done it right the first time. I told him there was an issue with that part of the line last week and that I did not have time to work on it, as I had to go to work. So now he is mad at me for going to work, but he will get over it in due time.
Well Zack's sister is really screwing things up for him. He went to court Friday, and now has a 90 restraining order from his farm, and can not come here. His sister is saying it is her legal place of residence. So she is really screwing shit up for him, he also has to go to court for assault charges. All he did to her was restrain her, he never did anything in the way of damage to her. And she threw hot coffee on him, so what was he suppose to do? This whole thing is really retarded.
I went to Kona last week and worked, made a little over $200.00. So now I have close to $400.00 saved up for these tickets. Man this is going to take me awhile to save up. And no one else wants to help me do it. I have asked my brother to help, and he said he can't. I told him even if it was just a little bit it would help a lot. But oh well, guess I'm on my own on this one. But I am still going to do it, even if it is later then I planned. I really want my mom to see this place. And I really want Dorothy out here to, she would be good company for my mom, would keep her on her toes! My poor mom.... I know she is going to be hating me before she leaves! But such is life! Ha!

Wow!

I had one hell of a day today, it was totally insane.
First Zack comes in today and tells me to get to training on the tractors, which I did yesterday, and to get the busted pipes down below fixed. So, there should have only been 3 pipes to fix, well when I got done, it turns out I have to rebuild 4 new risers! They are large pipes that come out of the ground with a valve on them, and 2 smaller ones on the side with valves on them. It was suppose to be easy, till I noticed how busted up they all were. So now I have no irrigation down there at all. Talking about giving me my works worth eh? I don't mind one bit though, I enjoy doing this guys work for him. It makes me feel good that it was my hands that helped his crop grow, produce, make money, and to bring people who use our stuff pleasure. So it is all worth it! But man, talking about work! Now I have to go dig 8 foot deep hole for these pipes!
Zack's sister called me today, she wants me to go do some yard work for her, even as much as I can't stand her right now, I really need the money, and it's $12 an hour straight cash, so what can I say? So of course I told her yes!
I moved my site here because I didn't have the feeling of the old any more, and I needed a change. Plus I wanted to check out the new beta and see how it is. So hope everyone likes it. Love y'all and thank you every one who has stood by me through all that old stuff!